Blessings Blessings Blessings…And Healing!


What a day….

First, and foremost, my mother has greatly improved! She is home from the hospital!

I tried to convince her to stay and extra day. It would make me feel better. She would have been amidst people who could watch and take care of her if anything happens. She lives in a tiny town about twenty-five minutes from the hospital. But then anyone who knows how stubborn I am can now know that I am a chip of the old block. My mother is about the most stubborn person I know. She was going home. The good thing is that the doctors were willing to let her go. And they aren’t going to make her go on the blood thinner—which is something she really didn’t want to do. But she has agreed to take the aspirin. Thank you God! God is good.

I will tell you, this reminds me once again not to take anything for granted. My mother beign in the hospital reminds me not to take her for granted. And having her as my mother is one of the sacred blesings I can have.

Which leads to another blessing. See I know why she is so deeply intent on going home. Her husband, that she married about five months ago, had a very serious stroke about four months ago. He has been in the hospital and in an assisted living home for months. He has finally reached the point where he can go home! He still has a very long way to recovery, and we don’t know if he ever will fully recover, but tomorrow he is going home!

I choose to see the blessings! My mother is home and tomorrow her husband goes home.

I choose to know that all is in God’s hands, and that the Universe is good.

And finally, I had a good day at work. Yes! A good day at work! Talk about a miracle.

We have a new person named Rachael in our department and she is wonderful. A hard worker, kind hearted, generous, sweet, intelligent…. Just wonderful. Why yesterday she bought me lunch. It is wonderful having someone like her to work with.

And today they finally started training me in an aspect of the department that is actually interesting and mentally challenging. I will be doing all kinds of things instead of the menial labor I’ve been doing for years. And on days that I do this work, I won’t have to work much with the Evil Team Leader!

So yes, it was a good day. A very, very good day. And I think there are many more to come.

And hey! I have four days off!

What could be better than that?

Today I look at all the blessings. My mother is alive and well. Her husband goes home tomorrow. I had a good day at work. I have a new team member that I actually like and can talk to. And finally, I am being trained to do something at work that is actually interesting.

Thank you Universe! Thank you for all the blessings.

God is good!

B.G. Thomas

PS: My mother and I would both like to thank you all for your avalanche of good wishes and prayers and healing light. Such love is amazing. Thank you so much!


Grateful! Grateful! Grateful!

12661968_959533920803107_7725886485469469915_n 2

Something about my job…. We work 12-hour shifts so there is a significant part of the year where when we get to work it is pitch dark and when we leave work it is pitch dark. Depressing. Physically as well as mentally and emotionally. But one interesting thing–since we get four more minutes of daylight every day this time of year–is that day we walk out of the building and–LOOK!–the sky is pink! Just a bit!

All hail the Oak King who beat the Holly King in battle on the Winter Solstice! So happy! I was so uplifted!

Then today….

I’ve been having car trouble. The car has been leaking transmission fluid like a son of a b*tch–sometimes as much as two quarts a day. What it looked like was a fix that could cost about $1,500! Which we can not do at this time. But we had to see,

So I took it in this morning and….drum roll please!…it only cost $128! It was a leaky hosey something-ie and now I am driving again! HURRAY!!!

Love love love

Grateful grateful grateful

AND the writing is flowing again

Thank You Universe!

Thank you!

B.G. Thomas


Grateful For the Gift of a New Year (…or day 366…)


“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”
~~ William Shakespeare

Happy New Year!

It’s 2016.

I have a whole new year ahead of me and I am looking forward to seeing what it has in store. As a friend of mine said, “A year of new happys.”

I forsee a lot of good things.

To finally leave my day job.

To maybe find a new part time job that I can really enjoy.

The time to write write write.

More love that I ever thought possible.

The ability to loose weight once again and keep it off.

New possibilities.

New places.

New outlooks.

Spiritual growth.

And new leaps.

New and exciting leaps!

I cannot wait.

I cannot wait to see what is coming.

But I will remember….

There is no yesterday, there is no tomorrow….

There is only now. Only this moment.

So I won’t wait too much time looking down the road. I want to keep my eyes open. My heart and my mind. To be open to what is being offered to me. What is right here.

And I will hold whatever is given to me with open hands, neither grasping and clutching, or pushing away.

Because I am “a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; [I] have a right to be here. And whether or not it is [always] clear to [me], no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

B.G. Thomas

PS: Join with me? I’m holding out my hand….

Art by Kat Weller

Day 365 of 365 Days of Silver ~~ Grateful that I Maintained This Blog Every Single Day

“Right outta nowhere
You open your heart
And that changes everything
And you’re going somewhere
And all you need to know
Is that you’re free to go

“And you dream…
And the way will be clear
And the angles will hear
And the net will appear….”
~~ Kristine Kane

Day 365 of 365 days of silver….


I can’t believe I just typed that….


I did it.

I wrote in this blog every single day for a year….


So a little over a year ago a depression hit me. It mostly concerned work. The fact that I am working. At one of the most repressive and dream crushing jobs I’ve ever had. It was shattering my very positive attitude. My mother even noticed. She said I had lost my joy and that I needed to find it again….

A friend at church, Lois, suggested that I do a thirty day “look for something good” in every day. This kind of thing is a practice in our spiritual path and I am not sure why I didn’t think of it. It’s a Ben-thing. So why not give thirty days a try?

To my surprise, it helped. It didn’t make it perfect. But it helped. A lot.

Then I got this crazy idea…. Why not try it for a year?

So I spoke with my dear friend Elin and she said she’d help me start. And she did. Set it up for me and everything. Then other people jumped in. Friends lent their support. People helped me make my blog look good

And some how I did it. I kept going and going and going and going.

Some days it was so easy because there was so much to be grateful for.

Other days not so easy. My head space might have not been good that day—or even bad—but I would find it. I would find a silver lining. Because I believe there is always something to be grateful for. Usually a whole lot to be grateful for, but we as humans forget to count all the stuff we take for granted.

I’ve learned to remember that anything could happen, and even though a day or week or month might be bad—really bad—I know that nothing lasts forever. Things change. “We will rise,” as Paul Richmond says. “It gets better,” as Dan Savage says.

I learned to keep my head up, no matter how rough the going was.

I learned to keep thinking about God, even when my work took church away from me.

I learned to see God in every day.

I learned to see God in the brown eyes of my dogs.

I learned to see God in the mirror—in my reflection.

I learned to see God in the eyes of the people around me—and I’m learning to see God in the eyes of people I don’t like so much.

I learned to be disciplined and write something every day, even if it wasn’t a story that would make me money.

Working on this blog became important to me…and I was surprised how it became important to others. I got amazing comments and deeply personal instant messages and emails…that made me cry, but in a good way.

A sweetheart named Pat said, “It’s much, much more than merely a blog. Actually, it’s the daily dose of good news and something to be thankful for when the day looks horrific from the get-go. Some days it helps keep me (and probably others) sane.”

Whoa. What do you say to that? An incredibly nice lady named Susan said similar things and asked and asked that I keep this up another year.

But I’m not. I’m sorry, but I’m not.

See, even the simplest posts take me at least an hour. How many stories or novellas or novels did I not write while writing this blog?

But this last year? I think it was more important. How could I write about being positive, how could I give my message of hope, if I wasn’t feeling that way? You can’t write romance if you aren’t feeling love. And I wasn’t.

But teaching myself to look for Waldo in the big puzzle, teaching myself to look for the good, every day, did wonders.

And now I am writing my fiction again!

So I asked myself, write this blog another year? Or write my fiction and get the F*CK out of my job and write full time (and them maybe be able to write a blog like this again in a year)?

I chose writing my stories again. They give me happiness. They give me joy. And I believe my stories are what I was put here on Earth to do. I think they’re my purpose.

And boy do I have a list of stories to write, including finish one or two that people have been deeply wanting for a long time now….

I’m looking forward to the new year. I think there are all kinds of things in store. I think, by hook or crook, I’m become a full time writer this year.

I will travel again this year—it’s at least Orlando again and I am hope hope hoping, Tallahassee. I don’t know if I will be lucky enough for it to be my United Kingdom year, but…

…I know that the Universe doesn’t know the difference between a “small” desire and a “big” desire. To simply ask, believe, and receive. Let the Universe “worry” about how things will be accomplished.

I’m thinking that in the meantime of waiting to go full time, my work shift could change (there’s a plan) that would let me have Sundays off again. That would mean the world to me.

I am hoping it will be the year—believing it will be—that I meet more of my important online friends…Noah being just one of them.

There are a series of stories I’ve been desperately wanting to write…I think I’ll get to do them!

I plan on having more to do with my covers, both in finding original photography and photographers, and to do a cover or two (or more?) myself.

I know this…. Anything Could Happen.

I believe that.

The part of people that was getting too afraid to leap—especially after challenging others to jump? Well, that fear is almost gone. See, it’s one thing to jump off the edge of the pool, another to jump off the diving board, and yet—OMG—another to jump off the high dive.

And it is something else again to leap of the edge of the Grand Canyon and expect a net to appear.

But I do believe that. Time to practice what I preach.

The thing is I’ve done it over and over and over again this past decade and over and over and over I’ve been caught? So what was the big deal?

Because the Universe doesn’t know the difference between a “small” desire and a “big” desire. Or a “small” or “big” challenge.

It’s all the same.

I only have to believe.



And so today, with my last 365 Days of Silver post, I am read to leap into the next year.

Because who knows what’s next?

I can’t wait to find out.

Make the leap with me?

Because I know you have dreams too. Let’s do it!

1…2…3… Leap!

B.G. Thomas


PS: I will never stop sharing my thoughts. Look for something called “Pieces of Silver.” It won’t be daily. But hopefully it will be inspiring both for you, and for me.

PPS: Here is just a tiny partial list of all the people who helped me this year. Thank you so much people. And all of those of you who I have forgotten—and rest assured this entry will be constantly updated—I’m sorry! Know that I am still very thankful.

Right now, thank you Elin Gregory, Lois Benge-Fortin, Noah Willoughby and Will Jones. Jeff Adkins, Gerette and Kat Weller. And Chris Miles! Susan Reaves, Lisa725, Sandra/My Fiction Nook and Marge Cee.

photograph #1 by DeduloPhotos from morgueFile
photgraph #2 by Spree from morgueFile
photgraph #3 by vickiayala from morgueFile

Day 364 of 365 Days of Silver ~~ Grateful for the “Desiderata”

The first time I saw the words I was taken completely by surprise. I’d just had coffee with a sweet friend and before we went out separate ways, we stopped at this little souvenir shop next door. I was looking at coffee mug—which is normal for me—and there they were….

“No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

I was stunned.

It was exactly what I needed at that time in my life. An affirmation. It told me I was going in the right direction. And some people might think my ways are silly, but I did believe it.

I had to tell my friend John.

“Oh,” he said. “That’s the Desiderata.”

“Huh?” I asked,

“It’s a poem?” he told me.

A poem, I wondered.

So I looked it up.

And if that one line moved me, the rest of the poem blew me away.

The poem was all about life, and God, and where we come from and where we are going. It’s about our connection to God and to each other and the Universe. It’s all about purpose and our place in the Universe. It’s all about what I had come to believe over fifty years of life. It was like I was reading the words on my heart. It was unconditional, non-judgmental, and loving. It was Spirit rather than RELIGION.

I had to share it with my mother.

Who was not near as excited about it as I was.

“It concerns me,” she said. “It’s so…humanist.”

Humanist? I wondered. Well that sounded good to me. I looked that word up. It sounded like it mean something about being human, which I think is a pretty amazing thing to be,

This is what says about a humanist….

1. a person having a strong interest in or concern for human welfare, values, and dignity.
2. a person devoted to or versed in the humanities.
3. a student of human nature or affairs.
4. a classical scholar.
5. (sometimes initial capital letter) any one of the scholars of the Renaissance who pursued and disseminated the study and understanding of the cultures of ancient Rome and Greece, and emphasized secular, individualistic, and critical thought.
6. (sometimes initial capital letter) a person who follows a form of scientific or philosophical humanism.

And that was something my mother was concerned about???

So I decided to look up the term on a Christian website. And, oh. Now I got it. Why she would be concerned. *sigh*

Here is what the site Abounding Joy says….

“We live in a day when there is a great war going on in the society in which we live. There are many battlefronts and aspects to the war, but the primary war in our day is between Christianity and secular humanism… …Secular humanism is a religion and a philosophy of life which views man as the supreme being of the universe. It rejects the existence of God and the supernatural. It sees moral values as relative and changing and varying from person to person… ….It is important for every Christian to know the subtle ways that secular humanism is manifesting itself all around us. It is important for us to make decisions on a daily basis that demonstrate that we have not been captured, to any degree, by this intoxicating and persuasive philosophy and religion.”

Well that doesn’t sound good!

The online dictionary didn’t say anything about humanists not believing in God.

And anyone who reads this blog knows—or my books or my Facebook posts or talks to be personally or knows how important church is to me knows—I most certainly believe in God! I juts define my God differently. As I said the other day, “My God transcends and refuses to be contained in any box/religion of men. My God is agape.”

The online dictionary definition does sound pretty “intoxicating and persuasive.” But the Abounding Joy description? Not so much.

Could it be that Chritains, or at least those, don’t understand?

Because I do know that many Christians consider “god” as something “other than.” Something separate. Above. Removed. On high. Whereas we are also “other,” separate, below, away from, down on the ground….

That I don’t believe.

I believe that God is in us and we are in God and we are made of God.

We are drops of water in the Ocean. We are not the Ocean, but everything we are reflects that Ocean, and the Ocean is in us, and we are in the Ocean.

I believe that I am in God and God is in me.

For 364 days I have ended my posts (or most of them) with the word, “Namasté.” That word has several definitions because it is hard to translate Eastern thought into Western words.

But the definition I like best goes like this….

“The Divine in Me sees and honors the Divine in You.”

Or as Valentine Michael Smith says in Stranger in a Strange Land, “Thou art God.”

That means everyone. The people I love. And the people I…well, not so much. That includes me, you, my husband, my friends, and even The Evil Team Leader.


Maybe that’s what I’m supposed to learn through my near decade with him? That I must practice what I preach? And know if I am going to believe in Namasté, I just believe it even in him?

Maybe so….

It’s food for thought.

But in the meantime I leave you with this poem in my next to last day of 365 Days of Silver. I hope that if today’s ramblings mean nothing, that this poem does….

B.G. Thomas


Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927

Day 363 of 365 Days of Silver ~~ Thankful for My Friend Cricket

“A good friend is a connection to life — a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”
~~ Lois Wyse

“Friends are relatives you make for yourself.”
~~ Eustache Deschamps

We’re not even sure how or when it happened, but she’s one of my best friends. There’s no story, no real beginning. It just happened over time. With so many friendships there’s that moment, or humorous anecdote, something that marks in the memory when the friendship began. Not so with us.

We were talking the other day, Cricket and I, and we just couldn’t figure it out. It was a series of things.

A dinner when her then partner asked me to join them at the Science Fiction Hall of Fame presentation—one I couldn’t afford (and as it turned out, she paid for, not him).

Then there was the time—it was a surprise—she asked me to co-chair ConQuesT, Kansas City’s big science fiction convention. She’s an expert at running and organizing things, but at the time, she wasn’t happy about being front of crowds. She knew I could be an extrovert and figured we make a good team. But then circumstances made her drop out so it wasn’t working together that made us friends.

There was the Laid Back Labor Day weekend at Camp Gaea when we ran into each other and would up spending a lot of time together. That might have been the real seeds of oru friendship, but neither of is sure about that either.

Cricket says a big deal for her in out friendship was when I offered to ride with her when she took her son to college. It as a good two or three hour drive, one she didn’t like to drive back home alone. I just wanted to be with my friend. That was the trip that we bought some pumpkin wine at a liquor store out in the exact middle of nowhere. And it’s what inspired a road trip some months later where we tracked down that winery and took a day trip. We bought some wonderful wine. Who knew that Missouri had a wine country?

Cricket, like several of my friends, has cable. So when there is a show I really like, there is more than one place I can go to watch Game of Thrones or True Blood or The Leftovers or Penny Dreadful. The thing is I like to ogle the hot guys and get excited when there is actually some male nudity instead of the decades of female nudity that has been thrust at me (not that there is anything wrong with naked women—but come on! What’s wrong with equal opportunity!?)

But some people don’t like that—my ogling that is.

Cricket doesn’t get upset.

See…. Cricket doesn’t ask me to edit myself. I don’t have to think about what I’m saying. I can say anything and she either agrees with me or rolls her eyes and says, “No way!” and we go on! Cricket likes it that I like to ogle guys in the movies and shows we’re watching and she likes to do it too.

“Ben, you don’t know how much I enjoy watching shows with you,” Cricket told me one day. “Don’t you worry about their opinion. I love it when you think some guy is hot or you say the fun things you say.” She went on to say that it was entertaining to take an hour and a half to watch a sixty minute episode is some show because of all the times we’d pause it to Google some aspect of what we were watching; the accuracy of a detail, a historical point, look up a word we didn’t know, to figure out who and actor was and what we’d seen them in before, trivia, and more. She didn’t care if the TV needed to be paused for Googling, bathroom breaks, to answer the phone or get a snack or drinkie. We had fun! We laughed! We cried! We cat called!

And we still do.

We finish each other’s sentences. We break in on each other’s thoughts. We’ll be watching something or reading something or listening to a song or…whatever…and one of us will say something and the other will say, “Oh my God! I was going to say that!” and well laugh!. And then bump fists.

We’re very close to the same age, although she’s about four months older. I love to tease her about that. Being older than me. Although I don’t know that that has anything to do with anything.

We like so many of the same things. For instance we both love horror, science fiction and—depending—can take or leave fantasy. We both agree that Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings was beyond amazing and fell asleep every time we went to one of his Hobbit movies.

I love Cricket!

We do fun things together, like this big Oscar party and a movie theater where the Academy Awards are projected on their huge screen and everyone dresses up and it’s almost like really being there. And we see as many of the nominees together before hand as we can and then we study (she does a lot of it) all these different critics and the major awards ahead of time like the Screen Actors Guild Award and the BAFTAs and then we vote and several times we were the big winners of the evening!

We both love animals.

We are both crazy about cheese. Especially really sharp cheese and not that stuff that tastes like thick air.

When we agree—good gracious!—we agree!

And when we don’t—we don’t!

She loves Joss Whedon’s The Cabin in the Woods and I angrily want one hour and thirty five minutes back. Hate that movie! (although I do love Joss) Contact just might be my favorite movie of all time and Cricket thinks it’s booooooring. I totally loved the show LOST, or at least the couple seasons, she thought it was downright stupid.

Cricket hates broccoli, cooked cabbage and…well, just about every other vegetable on this planet. But she’ll eat a pound of bacon and I can’t eat more than a few well-cooked pieces once or twice a year. I think she’d eat it on vanilla ice cream. *shudder*

If she were a guy or I was straight we might have been perfect for each other…except of course I am married to the guy who is perfect for me.

Thing is, we totally accept each other for who and what we are in every way.

Hell! We’ve seen each other naked! Physically, mentally, emotionally, and more. I love the hell out of her!

And it means a lot to me that she loves me too.

Today is my friend Cricket’s birthday and she is much, much older than me!

And today, I am really grateful that Cricket is my friend.

B.G. Thomas

PS: Cricket does my taxes. Hey! What can be better than that!?

Day 362 of 365 Days of Silver ~~ Grateful for My Family


Being gay has taught me tolerance, compassion and humility. It has shown me the limitless possibilities of living. It has given me people whose passion and kindness and sensitivity have provided a constant source of strength. It has brought me into the family of man, Mama, and I like it here. I like it.
~~ Armistead Maupin

As l began t o realize l might be gay, a slow dream began to build that my family would mean l was living with a man. That my family, my home, my life would be with a man. In the very early eighties, when I was just a gay whippersnapper, l knew gay couples. I watched them with a longing in my heart and soul. But I never really believed it would happen to me.

Oh, to wake up every morning with a man sleeping next to me. Spooned up to me….
But first, I thought it was against God, which I didn’t understand—I knew my longing was for far more than sexual. That I could have put aside for some God somewhere, up there, testing me.

But I wanted to love another man. In fact I came to see that every time I’d ever been in love, even childhood love, it was with a member of the same sex. The first? A handsome boy named Rod when I was in fourth grade….

And that’s what I couldn’t comprehend. God was love. How could He condemn love? I why would I clearly be someone who longed for the love of another male, and be sent to hell for it? I felt deeply, no matter what Baptist ministers told me, that l was born this way. Why would God make me gay, then condemn me for acting on my nature? Why would a Loving God expect me to run some kind of obstacle course to earn His love, and His Son’s salvation?

Doesn’t sound like love to me? Especially when God’s love was supposed to be unconditional. Unconditional except for…?

I finally left God. I was just too deeply unhappy living a life that wasn’t true to my Loving heart.

Thankfully God wasn’t done with me.

I came to find s God who’s love was unconditional. A God that transcended and refused to be contained in any box/religion of men. Not saying any religion is wrong, only the way some men follow their religion. If the religion not about love love, I’m suspicious of it.

And so I re-found God…and found the love of men.


Today it’s hard to fully remember that Ben who longed for what I sometimes take for granted.

Hard, but not impossible. It’s those memories that fuel many of my love stories.

Today I have love in my life. The love of a man. A man I wake up with in the mornings.

A man I’ve been with for fifteen years. A man to whom I legally married.

I have what that long ago Ben so desperately desired.

And I must remember not to take my man, my home, my life and yes even my dogs for granted. There are a lot of lonely men out there longing for what I have.

If I lived on Russia I could go to prison for being gay. In the Middle East, mutilated and killed for it. Have to deeply hide it on India. And here in my own country, told by a horrid hate filled woman named Kim Davis that my love was against God. That love I had to wait a lifetime to have.

Well Ms. Davis, I don’t anything whatsoever to do with your god (lowercase g). My God transcends and refuses to be contained in any box/religion of men. My God is agape.

My God unconditional love.

My God knows my love is good enough.

And today I’m so grateful for my Love and my family, my husband, my “kids” Sarah Jane and Oliver, and my mom who doesn’t understand but loves and accepts me.

And wow, what could be better than that?

B.G. Thomas

PS: I’m praying for you Ms. Davis.