“Right outta nowhere
You open your heart
And that changes everything
And you’re going somewhere
And all you need to know
Is that you’re free to go
“And you dream…
And the way will be clear
And the angles will hear
And the net will appear….”
~~ Kristine Kane
Day 365 of 365 days of silver….
I can’t believe I just typed that….
I did it.
I wrote in this blog every single day for a year….
So a little over a year ago a depression hit me. It mostly concerned work. The fact that I am working. At one of the most repressive and dream crushing jobs I’ve ever had. It was shattering my very positive attitude. My mother even noticed. She said I had lost my joy and that I needed to find it again….
A friend at church, Lois, suggested that I do a thirty day “look for something good” in every day. This kind of thing is a practice in our spiritual path and I am not sure why I didn’t think of it. It’s a Ben-thing. So why not give thirty days a try?
To my surprise, it helped. It didn’t make it perfect. But it helped. A lot.
Then I got this crazy idea…. Why not try it for a year?
So I spoke with my dear friend Elin and she said she’d help me start. And she did. Set it up for me and everything. Then other people jumped in. Friends lent their support. People helped me make my blog look good
And some how I did it. I kept going and going and going and going.
Some days it was so easy because there was so much to be grateful for.
Other days not so easy. My head space might have not been good that day—or even bad—but I would find it. I would find a silver lining. Because I believe there is always something to be grateful for. Usually a whole lot to be grateful for, but we as humans forget to count all the stuff we take for granted.
I’ve learned to remember that anything could happen, and even though a day or week or month might be bad—really bad—I know that nothing lasts forever. Things change. “We will rise,” as Paul Richmond says. “It gets better,” as Dan Savage says.
I learned to keep my head up, no matter how rough the going was.
I learned to keep thinking about God, even when my work took church away from me.
I learned to see God in every day.
I learned to see God in the brown eyes of my dogs.
I learned to see God in the mirror—in my reflection.
I learned to see God in the eyes of the people around me—and I’m learning to see God in the eyes of people I don’t like so much.
I learned to be disciplined and write something every day, even if it wasn’t a story that would make me money.
Working on this blog became important to me…and I was surprised how it became important to others. I got amazing comments and deeply personal instant messages and emails…that made me cry, but in a good way.
A sweetheart named Pat said, “It’s much, much more than merely a blog. Actually, it’s the daily dose of good news and something to be thankful for when the day looks horrific from the get-go. Some days it helps keep me (and probably others) sane.”
Whoa. What do you say to that? An incredibly nice lady named Susan said similar things and asked and asked that I keep this up another year.
But I’m not. I’m sorry, but I’m not.
See, even the simplest posts take me at least an hour. How many stories or novellas or novels did I not write while writing this blog?
But this last year? I think it was more important. How could I write about being positive, how could I give my message of hope, if I wasn’t feeling that way? You can’t write romance if you aren’t feeling love. And I wasn’t.
But teaching myself to look for Waldo in the big puzzle, teaching myself to look for the good, every day, did wonders.
And now I am writing my fiction again!
So I asked myself, write this blog another year? Or write my fiction and get the F*CK out of my job and write full time (and them maybe be able to write a blog like this again in a year)?
I chose writing my stories again. They give me happiness. They give me joy. And I believe my stories are what I was put here on Earth to do. I think they’re my purpose.
And boy do I have a list of stories to write, including finish one or two that people have been deeply wanting for a long time now….
I’m looking forward to the new year. I think there are all kinds of things in store. I think, by hook or crook, I’m become a full time writer this year.
I will travel again this year—it’s at least Orlando again and I am hope hope hoping, Tallahassee. I don’t know if I will be lucky enough for it to be my United Kingdom year, but…
…I know that the Universe doesn’t know the difference between a “small” desire and a “big” desire. To simply ask, believe, and receive. Let the Universe “worry” about how things will be accomplished.
I’m thinking that in the meantime of waiting to go full time, my work shift could change (there’s a plan) that would let me have Sundays off again. That would mean the world to me.
I am hoping it will be the year—believing it will be—that I meet more of my important online friends…Noah being just one of them.
There are a series of stories I’ve been desperately wanting to write…I think I’ll get to do them!
I plan on having more to do with my covers, both in finding original photography and photographers, and to do a cover or two (or more?) myself.
I know this…. Anything Could Happen.
I believe that.
The part of people that was getting too afraid to leap—especially after challenging others to jump? Well, that fear is almost gone. See, it’s one thing to jump off the edge of the pool, another to jump off the diving board, and yet—OMG—another to jump off the high dive.
And it is something else again to leap of the edge of the Grand Canyon and expect a net to appear.
But I do believe that. Time to practice what I preach.
The thing is I’ve done it over and over and over again this past decade and over and over and over I’ve been caught? So what was the big deal?
Because the Universe doesn’t know the difference between a “small” desire and a “big” desire. Or a “small” or “big” challenge.
It’s all the same.
I only have to believe.
And so today, with my last 365 Days of Silver post, I am read to leap into the next year.
Because who knows what’s next?
I can’t wait to find out.
Make the leap with me?
Because I know you have dreams too. Let’s do it!
PS: I will never stop sharing my thoughts. Look for something called “Pieces of Silver.” It won’t be daily. But hopefully it will be inspiring both for you, and for me.
PPS: Here is just a tiny partial list of all the people who helped me this year. Thank you so much people. And all of those of you who I have forgotten—and rest assured this entry will be constantly updated—I’m sorry! Know that I am still very thankful.
Right now, thank you Elin Gregory, Lois Benge-Fortin, Noah Willoughby and Will Jones. Jeff Adkins, Gerette and Kat Weller. And Chris Miles! Susan Reaves, Lisa725, Sandra/My Fiction Nook and Marge Cee.
photograph #1 by DeduloPhotos from morgueFile
photgraph #2 by Spree from morgueFile
photgraph #3 by vickiayala from morgueFile