“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”
~~ Thomas Edison
“Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher.”
~~ Maya Watson
“Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.”
~~ Mary Tyler Moore
As a very rare depression began to fade away some months ago (the last serious one was about sixteen years ago) and I began to be able to write again (I wrote over 70K in one month) those Evil People at work changed my schedule and turned my life upsidedown.
It was bad. It was really bad. Thank God I was writing this blog. Learning to look for the positive may have saved my life.
The problem was that it threw me deeply back into my depression. I’ve had anxiety attacks, times were I have terrible chest pains (luckily I know from experience that these are not abfibs or heart attacks), trouble breathing, and more. On my days off I would sit in the dark and watch NetFlix all day.
But something happened that other day and he fog began to lift. Writing this blog—something I was able to write, thank God again—helped. Reading helped (Stephen King lured me back in with his new anthology). Sweet and wonderful emails and messages from readers helped. Good friends lent a hand. The lady at work that I would never have expected such a wonderful helping hand did a lot.
And then for the first time in months, my obligations felt good instead of smothering. I knew I owed my publisher, other writers, and my readers some long overdue stories. For awhile that was so frightening that I just couldn’t even boot up my computer. What if I f*cked up? What if I wrote something they hated? What if I don’t conclude something they’ve been waiting for in a way they like?
But suddenly those obligations felt like something else. Instead of smothering, they seemed like a life preserver thrown to me in a scary ocean. Suddenly they seemed like a way out.
In the last week or so I’ve written a lot. I can scarce believe it. And it’s pretty good. I finished one project, turned it in, and am now deeply in another. If I didn’t have an Evil Day Job I know that I would be finished in the next two weeks or so.
And maybe I still will be. I paused from writing to write my blog tonight, because with so few days left of the year, I’ll be darned if I am not going to finish my 365 Days of Silver.
There’s a lot of people begging me to do this another year, but I’ve made up my mind. I’m not doing it. I am going the write novels with all that energy instead.
However I am thinking of doing something like, “Pieces of Silver,” where I will write at least once a week. Because the positivity goes around and helps me as well as others. Like I said, I was training myself to look for the good in every day, and it helped immensely. This way I can still get my “Leap and the Net will appear” message out there, but still have time to write. And not have to worry when I am deep in the middle of nowhere at Men’s Festival or on a train or plane and trying desperately to find wifi so I can post. I can not worry about it at times like that…and write stories.
Which will get me out of my Evil Day Job.
So I am writing again.
And I am loving it.
The work in process, which I am having to go back and read and edit so I can get back into the stream after all this time, is good. It’s really good. It is making me laugh. It is making me cry. And if it isn’t what some readers want? Well it will be what other readers need. It’s everything that it’s supposed to be.
And God…I am so thankful for that!