“Remember you are the perfect reflector of your mind.”
~~ Richmond Akhigbe
A wall broke down the other day. An emotionally debilitating wall that was 90% caused by the unexpected and unwanted change in my work schedule. Now I know that writing isn’t all fund and games, that it’s work too, but how can I write about joy and romance when I am feeling depressed and hurt?
But something happened…. Writing this blog is surely a major part of it—training myself to “find the good things, every day” and the silver lining in every situation.
I quite suddenly had this image of this woman, joy shining our of her face, almost surrounded in light. I thought, Oh my gosh! And the ending of one of the two stories I’d been struggling with poured out of me in page after hand written page. Then I “only” had to transcribe them. When I finally finished, I went to bed, deciding to wait to send it off to my publisher until the next day. I had this funny feeling that…the…story…wasn’t…done.
I woke up very early the next day with another, Oh my gosh! (#2) and knowing that the real and perfect ending was, added it, and nervously emailed it off. Nervous because this book was very overdue. Would my publisher be mad at me? Cold? Say the didn’t even want it?
Instead, I received this email very quickly after sending my story in….
I’m so excited to have this. I’m traveling today but wanted you to know it was received.
Oh my gosh! (#3) Such a confirmation! My publisher was excited to receive my newest story! I was filled with joy.
But, oh boy…. Now to finish the other LONG overdue project. Can I do it? I mean there’s two BIG problems. First, I don’t like the last chapter. I keep telling myself I do and I keep trying to figure out how to put a square peg in a round hole, but the truth is—I don’t like it. It was a love scene. And it felt wrong. But I was at page 200 or so and the two main characters hadn’t made love yet and I figured readers were going to be mad if I waited any longer—even though I felt the best place for the scene was at least fifty pages away yet.
I also decided I needed a print out of the whole kit and caboodle. I needed to hold the novel in my hands no matter where I was—especially when I didn’t have access to a computer. To be able to see it at work on breaks and such.
And it had been quite awhile since I’d even opened the file. At least since the whole work shift change/depression.
To my happy surprise a friend printed out the whole thing and I was requesting only about a third of it. And Oh, my gosh! I went crazy. But in a good way. YES! Having my baby in my hands made ALL the difference. Suddenly all that I was meh about in the story worked themselves out. A line here, a word there, several paragraphs removed over here…. Magick!
Which gave me the courage to really consider removing the love scene, which was really just a sex scene, and my character deserved to be made love to.
I found myself talking to this trainee at work and without blinking and eye, she listened—avidly. She was a reader and was loving listening to me. And her advice?
Get rid of the sex scene! And when I told her where I wanted to put it—the love scene—she got very sentimental and all, “Awwwwwww…that’s so sweet!” and she even got teary.
Confirmation! Cut the sex scene!
Before I got home a wild thing happened. I bumped into an old manager of mine, only the BEST manager I’ve ever had. Someone who I found out reads this blog. And…
…she told me love it and loved my writing. Said I was very good writer and she just KNEW that soon I would be supporting myself on my writing and that I needed to get out of where I am working.
And then she told me that after the first of the year she would help me! She would go over my resume. She would help me find a part time job. That she could even send out resumes for me!
She going to help me!
We talked and talked and she filled me with hope and we talked about Spirit and love and leaping for Nets and was AMAZING!
Confirmation after confirmation.
I am filled with gratitude today!
And that darkness that was trying to fall over me? “Get thee behind me!” That darkness is just a little bit brighter.
photograph by Efi21 at morgueFile