Day 319 of 365 Days of Silver ~~ Grateful for “Big Questions” I Don’t Need Answered

“Everybody’s wonderin’ what and where they all came from.
Everybody’s worryin’ ’bout where they’re gonna go when the whole thing’s done.
But no one knows for certain and so it’s all the same to me,
I think I’ll just let the mystery be

Some say once gone you’re gone forever
And some say you’re gonna come back
Some say you rest in the arms of the Savior
If in sinful ways you lack
Some say that they’re comin’ back in a garden
Bunch of carrots and little sweet peas
I think I’ll just let the mystery be.”
~~ Iris Luella Dement

Read more: Iris Dement – Let The Mystery Be Lyrics | MetroLyrics

For a big part of my life there were some questions I desperately needed answsering.

But a series of circumstances caused great changes in my life. For awhile I didn’t even believe in God. All that has changed. I have a great belief in some kind of Divine Being and I do believe in some kind of Intelligent Design.

The thing is that I don’t subscribe to one single path.

Several years ago this lady I worked with, who was a Jehovah’s Witness, said, “Don’t you want to know which religion is right?!”

The thing is, I didn’t want to know. Because I don’t believe that there is only one answer. I believe it’s something like a cosmic bicycle wheel and God is in the Center and all the spokes lead to the same place. That all the spokes are paths to God.

Once I stopped worrying about if my gayness was preventing me being loved by God my whole life changed—and it has only gotten better and better the more I have learned.

Sadly I have discovered that some people I have known have religion in their lives—ultimately—for one reason. Fear. They are afraid of what is coming next. After they die that is. So many religions give an answer to what comes next.

I consider it a great blessing that I’m not worried about that.

Now I want to make it very, very clear that I am not saying the religions are wrong! Not at all! Not for one second. I am not saying my way is right and someone else’s way is wrong.

It is just that I don’t know what I believe when it comes to the hereafter. And I am not sure that I want to go.

Here’s the thing, no one has come back with proof of what happens next. There have been a great many books and stories, but none of them proved.

For the longest time I think the only thing that really bothered me was why “what comes next” didn’t bother me one way or the other. In fact, I strongly suspected that nothing came next. That we simply died and that was it. Just…nothing.

And that didn’t frighten me. Didn’t worry me.

Then one day I read this amazing book called The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. It blew me away. And it got to thinking. It put me on a track of thinking….

Isn’t it interesting that identical twins can have totally different personalities? And I don’t mean after being born. Even before birth. I’ve had mothers tell me they could tell before their children were born that their babies were very different.

It is argued that personality is all electrical impulses and such. Chemicals.

Then why wouldn’t those impulses and chemicals be identical? I mean I have seen twins that have the same birthmarks! My daughter’s mother and her aunt are mirror twins. They’re birthmarks and such are on opposite sides.


Why, even before children are born, do identical twins have different personalities?

What I get myself—and one of the things the book said—was that come onto this planet with a personality, just like eye color or skin tone or body type or hair color and so many other things. This further implies—at least to me—that maybe, just maybe, we had a personality even before we were physically conceived.

This hit me walking out of work one day on the way to the car. The temperature was very pleasant, there was a slight breeze, it was during the summer and the sun was still quite bright out. I remember this clearly.

Because it was a powerful moment for me.

What I think of, what I am convinced of, a moment of enlightenment.

To me I saw it. Clearly.

Personality not the product of electrical impulse and chemicals….

What if?

What if we “were” even before we were conceived?

And if that is true….

….then wouldn’t it make sense that we have one after we die?

If we came into this world as “us,” couldn’t we leave this world as “us” as well?

And wouldn’t that mean we leave to someplace?

I stopped in my tracks. Goosebumps shivered all down my arms and my back and across my scalp.

I quite suddenly knew…knew that I knew that I knew…that there is something after this?

Now whether it is some place where we will choose where we want to be go next, or whether it’s Valhalla, or Heaven, or purgatory, or the Summer Lands, or something like is suggested in the book Five People You Will Meet In Heaven or the movie What Dreams May Come, I don’t know.

And I realized I don’t need to know.

I was surprised how comforted I was by this realization.

Me. Who was just fine with the idea that nothing came next!

Who now is quite comforted by the idea that there is something that comes next.

I don’t know what it is.

I don’t need to know.

I don’t want to know.

However, I do know this….

The Universe is something like a cosmic bicycle wheel and God is in the Center and all the spokes lead to the same place. All the spokes are paths to God.

And when I am done here, I am going to be with God.

Not that I ever left God.

But all things come from God, are with God, and return to God.

And that comforts me a lot.

Because what is the net that always catches me but God?

B.G. Thomas

photograph “Towards the Light” by ashishkumar2287 from morgueFile

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