“You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
~~ Max Ehrmann
Today was a bad day. It was a really, really bad.
I have written quite a bit about two things specifically in relation to this post.
1) I work in a hell-hole that I am too chicken to turn from and wipe the dust from the place from my feet. Me. The person always urging everyone to leap and trust the net will appear.
2) The Universe is watching out for us and has a wonderful net waiting and is urging us to leap. And when we ignore the whisper, and then the not-so-gentle-whisper, and then the nudge, and then the little push, and then the not-so-gentle-push, and then the shove…. Well it will keep at it until it has to hit us with the Cosmic 2×4.
Anyone who reads me also knows the important for me in going to church—although it “ain’t” your grandmother’s church by any means. It is my battery. It is what recharges me each week. It is what reminds me to be me.
Well, today, my supervisor told me that I am moving to early week. That means instead of working a half day every other Wednesday, plus all day Thrusday, Friday and Saturday…instead I will be working all day Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and half day every other Wednesday.
I was stunned.
I sat there unable to move. To talk.
It was like when wading in the ocean and a wave crashes over your head and you are swept up feet over head and the world is just this big… ….cccrrrrrrraaaasssshhhhhhhhhhhhh….
I was speechless.
When I finally could talk I said, “You know this means I won’t be able to church.”
It meant that the one activity I do for myself, dinner and an evening of TV with my friend Cricket, can’t happen.
It meant I would only ever have one day off with my husband a week.
Yes, she nodded, she knew.
It meant my occasional weekends in Brookfield—his tiny home town that I was finally learning to love—wouldn’t happen either.
She “claimed” there was nothing she could do.
I looked and looked and looked for a silver lining as I sat there trying to compute the hell she had just threw me into.
And one hit me! I wouldn’t have to work with the Evil Team Leader anymore!
It meant that I would work with the Good Team Leader!
It meant that Sundays I could sit around a write all day!
The ETL is moving to early week with me and the GTL is moving to late week.
And it will be just him and me on Sundays. Because Sundays are DEAD.
I can’t imagine anything worse than what is to transpire at the end of October.
Then it hit me.
The whole, “Universe is conspiring for my good thing….” Did I truly believe it or was I just bladding? Can I practice what I preach?
Well first, will I let this ruin my day and my week?
Because it is NOT real! It is something proposed for the end of October.
And anything could happen between now and then! Why turn my own life into hell?
Buddhism teaches that there is suffering in life, but what makes it “suffering” is our reaction to it. If we chose to gnash our teeth and rend our shirts and throw ashes in our hair—then that is what we choose to do.
If we choose to believe that it isn’t real yet, and even if it turns out to be real, life experience has taught us that it will only be temporary.
I can take a really really bad thing and make it worse.
Or I can remember this isn’t real!
I’ve started filling out job applications!
I’ve gone on one interview already!
I could get fired and collect unemployment for six months to a year and not have to work at all!
Anything could happen!
Do I choose to believe in the worse and make my own life hell? Or do I trust…and leap…and know that I won’t even need the net, because I am going to fly!
Everything has been leading to this!
I must trust!
I must know!
This is all supposed to happen!
I have prayed for it!
I have asked, believed…and need to hold my hands open and receive!
This is what is real. My every dream is going through.
And to my boss’s boss? The one who walked by me today and grin and said, “Hey, Ben!” because he knew what I was about to find out and was in utter joy of the hell he was going to put me through?
Well F*CK YOU!
You don’t own me. You don’t control me. And just because you are a miserable person who wants everyone else to be just as miserable as you?
It’s not going to work!
And a year or so from now when I am at UK Meet or the big thing in Austrailia or anyone of those wonderful things?
You’ll still be miserable unless you learn to leap.
Believe it or now Mr. Boss’s Boss.
I wish you the best.