“But circumstances change. Small causes lead to large effects. New paths are added.
And all anyone can do . . . is choose.”
So my post is pretty late tonight but still in time. I have a reason as well. Not an excuse. Tonight I was doing something good for me. Something healthy.
Because it’s time. Time to get off that potentially deadly side path I’ve been on the last several months and get back on the healthy one that was making me so happy.
Some how I’ve avoided a host of addictions in my life. Drugs, gambling, alcohol, sex and more. My downfall is food. You can stop drinking, stop gambling, give up drugs. But we have to eat.
And if I am upset or depressed or stressed or going through some tough…stuff…then I eat. And eat. And eat and eat and eat and eat….
Two years ago I began a healthy eating plan for myself and lost somewhere in the neighborhood of seventy pounds. I was looking pretty damned good if I say so myself.
But there somewhere around the end of October and the beginning of November I started to get depressed and depressed just isn’t anything I do anymore. It was insidious. It snuck up on me. Snuck up in so many ways.
Partially it was leaving GayRomLit and coming home to a world of people who don’t get me. To leave a place with 400 writers and readers of MM literature and return to a place where the ONLY thing people talk about is the Chiefs and the Royals. Seriously. Sheepeople. And the “reality” of a job I can no longer stand. All of this hurt my out put as a writer which meant less sales which meant staying longer at a job that is stealing my soul and crushing my dreams.
And so started to EAT. And eat. And eat and eat and eat and eat….
I’ve put on at least half of what I lost which only depressed me more and sent me to the ice cream parlors and the buffet restaurants.
So finally, it started over the last few days and became a DECISION early this morning….
…I went a rejoined Slim 4 Life.
It’s not the best weight loss program but it’s not bad either and it will jump start my metabolism and in a couple months I will be back eating in the really healthy way I was doing before. That initial big weight loss Slim 4 Life gives will be all the inspiration I need to stay on track again.
They want me to start Sunday and told me to get any last hurrahs or unhealthy pig fests I want to over the next three day. So on the way home from the place I got me some chicken tiki masala and vegetable pokora. It was wonderful. I ate it slow and I savored it. Not just shoveling it in to try and numb something.
I am very excited.
Surely part of why I have been so tired lately is that I am lugging around all this extra weight. It’s like carrying a huge bag of dog food with me wherever I go, all the time. My new knees have started to hurt, and that’s because of the extra weight. I am going to Midwest Men’s Festival (the one that inspired Autumn Changes) in a couple months and in the heat will need to lose weight to do all the walking, huge hill climbing and to be able to run around in nothing but a sarong and not feel ashamed or self conscious.
But most of all because I will be healthier.
I am really happy about all this. I am getting back on the right path, back on course.
And what could be better than that?
photo by rickyysanne from morgueFile