“You can’t take good health for granted.”
~~ Jack Osbourne
I am so grateful that I am HIV Negative. And it really is a miracle that I am. A miracle.
My ex his HIV+. The two of us had a very active intimate life. I had no idea that he had bareback parties when I was at work.
At my age I also lived through the time when thousands and thousands of my brethren and friends were not only contracting HIV, but dying. I remember once in church during prayer time–when you could raise you had and ask for prayers–a beautiful young man raising his hand and sobbingly telling us he was positive. A few months later he was dead. Not too long after that a guy I had a big crush on found out he was HIV+ and he was dead in less than six months.
It was a dark and terrifying time. And somehow I was negative. I was no monk either, I should say that outright.
I really don’t know how I managed to get through so many near misses in my life, but I thank God and I am so grateful that it is so.
Today I went in for my annual HIV test and it was once again negative. And it was nice to know that when the tester/councilor asked me on a scale of one to ten how likely I think it is that my husband cheats on me, especially unsafely, that I was able to say “0.”
I am also grateful for the rapid testing that is now available. Those days of getting a blood draw and then having to wait two weeks–two weeks!–to get the results are a thing of the past. One can still use that test, and also get tested for syphilis (which has risen two hundred percent in Kansas City in recent years), but it’s not required. Get tested without the nights and nights of restlessness and worry….
I pray for those who are HIV+. I am also offended, despite the hell I went though with my ex, when people say that so-and-so is an innocent victim of AIDS. I don’t know that even my ex was anything else. He was caught up in something that he sadly was unable to stop. I don’t know if it was low self esteem or what that drove him to have unsafe sex, but he was far, far from an evil man. In fact I owe him a lot. In some ways he helped make me a better man.
I pray for the day when we no longer have to worry about this disease. I pray for those who think it’s no big deal these days if they become poz. Because it is. It isn’t just as manageable as diabetes, which a lot of young people have somehow been led to believe.
And in the meantime I am so very grateful that I am HIV-.
Thank you Universe, Thank You God.
I am so grateful that words cannot express.