Day 138 of 365 Days of Silver ~~ So Grateful to Be HIV Negative

“You can’t take good health for granted.”
~~ Jack Osbourne

I am so grateful that I am HIV Negative. And it really is a miracle that I am. A miracle.

My ex his HIV+. The two of us had a very active intimate life. I had no idea that he had bareback parties when I was at work.

At my age I also lived through the time when thousands and thousands of my brethren and friends were not only contracting HIV, but dying. I remember once in church during prayer time–when you could raise you had and ask for prayers–a beautiful young man raising his hand and sobbingly telling us he was positive. A few months later he was dead. Not too long after that a guy I had a big crush on found out he was HIV+ and he was dead in less than six months.

It was a dark and terrifying time. And somehow I was negative. I was no monk either, I should say that outright.

I really don’t know how I managed to get through so many near misses in my life, but I thank God and I am so grateful that it is so.

Today I went in for my annual HIV test and it was once again negative. And it was nice to know that when the tester/councilor asked me on a scale of one to ten how likely I think it is that my husband cheats on me, especially unsafely, that I was able to say “0.”

I am also grateful for the rapid testing that is now available. Those days of getting a blood draw and then having to wait two weeks–two weeks!–to get the results are a thing of the past. One can still use that test, and also get tested for syphilis (which has risen two hundred percent in Kansas City in recent years), but it’s not required. Get tested without the nights and nights of restlessness and worry….

I pray for those who are HIV+. I am also offended, despite the hell I went though with my ex, when people say that so-and-so is an innocent victim of AIDS. I don’t know that even my ex was anything else. He was caught up in something that he sadly was unable to stop. I don’t know if it was low self esteem or what that drove him to have unsafe sex, but he was far, far from an evil man. In fact I owe him a lot. In some ways he helped make me a better man.

I pray for the day when we no longer have to worry about this disease. I pray for those who think it’s no big deal these days if they become poz. Because it is. It isn’t just as manageable as diabetes, which a lot of young people have somehow been led to believe.

And in the meantime I am so very grateful that I am HIV-.

Thank you Universe, Thank You God.

I am so grateful that words cannot express.

B,G, Thomas

2 thoughts on “Day 138 of 365 Days of Silver ~~ So Grateful to Be HIV Negative

  1. OK. Then let me say that I’m grateful for the medication I got in 1998, when my blood tests got really bad and I had a black out at work.
    I got the virus way back in 1981 before anybody had even heard of AIDS end before the virus even had a name.
    I’m grateful that the medicine worked so well – and for thousands of others like me. Even though it had a lot of very unplesant sideeffects.
    So well in fact that I’m pretty sure not to get sick again from HIV.
    I’m grateful too for the big advance in research – so big actually that a vaccine – and maybe even a cure may come before we know it.
    But of course I’m sad – because to my knowledge only one of the persons I knew back then have survived.

    I’m sad because in a lot of places around the world the medication is not available for free like it is here in Denmark and most other EU countries.
    This is why I think free healthcare – for any disease – should be – no IS a human right! That everybody, everywhere should have it.


    • Tue…I am so grateful that you are alive and well in out wonderful world today. And I thank you so much for these comments! (((HUGS)))


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