“You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it’s all right.”
~~ Maya Angelou
It’s a powerful feeling. My nerves are a jangle. A part of me wants to cry. A part of me is the tiniest bit…spooked? And I haven’t even gone upstairs yet.
When R and I met he was living in this tiny little town of about four thousand people and he and his mother and his mother (and his ex) owned a number of properties. It’s a town where you can buy a decent little house for between two and five thousand dollars! So they bought a few and rented them out.
But he had a favorite and that is the one he lived in. The “Big House.” He was crazy about it. Me? Well, I loved that he loved it.
So he decided one day, somewhere in the area of us knowing each other for a year, to get one loan and pay off all the properties that weren’t already paid for and have one mortgage. The problem was that put the Big House at a value, well, way higher than it was probably worth in a little town like Brookfield. The mortgage payment was a bit high. And the thing was, he was moving to Kansas City was paying by far the majority of the bills because he had the high mortgage in his home town,
It started to become a bone of contention. I felt horribly guilty about it. I knew how much he loved that house. But I couldn’t afford all the bills and I could lose my house, which being in Kansas City was, according to the banks anyway (eye roll), worth a lot more.
Because of the loans being put on one payment, he couldn’t sell it. It was going for easily twice if not three times what a house generally went for.
He let the bank take it. And it near killed him.
And that near killed me. A cloud of guilt floated over me for years.
When I began to be successful at writing, I began to fantasize about driving to his town secretly and seeing if I could buy it back and surprise him. Oh what stories I spun! I was going to have to be quite a bit more successful before that was going to happen.
And then…. Then!
R comes home from his little town one Monday (he still had the smaller properties because they were now all paid for–he visits family and works on one of the houses) very excited and nervous.
It seems the house was up for sale. For what it was worth. For something I could easily help him buy.
You could see in his eyes what he hoped I would say and before he could really finish explaining I said “Yes!”
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
And now here I sit in the room that would make me a perfect office (it’s even the he was imaging I might like) writing this post.
It’s a miracle. I’m crying as I write this.
PS: The hotspot on my cellphone lets me get online! It will be very, very short spots. But I will be able to get online once or twice a day! HURRAY! Not as boondocks-ie as it used to be!