“Wonderful, indeed, it is to subdue the mind, so difficult to subdue, ever swift, and seizing whatever it desires. A tamed mind brings happiness.”
~~ The Buddha
I’ve been catching myself doing it again lately. Talking to myself (and not in a good way). Talking to people who aren’t there (and l don’t mean in a schizophrenia way).
I’m talking about that role-playing (and not the sexy kind). That role-playing in my mind.
There is no bigger waste of time.
So what triggered it?
An instigator. I should have known better. It was an instigator who claims to be a very positive person.
Yesterday at work we came back from break a couple minutes late and this person came to me and said we were all getting written up for coming back late.
I went from surprised to indignant to angry.
What? With how hard we work? Twelve hour shifts. With my FitBit (activity trackers, wireless-enabled wearable devices that measure data) saying l walk as much as seven to ten miles a day (just short of nine today). And they’re going to begrudge me a few minutes?
Then The Voice started whispering….
“Ben…that’s not reality. You don’t know that’s going to happen. Why are you getting upset?”
And I listened. For a bit. And then l was right back in it.
I cried, “No!”
And I stepped back into reality…only to fall back in Un-Reality again
I was imagining the whole scenario. What I would say. How I would say it–all self-righteous and everything!
How dare they?
I spent way too much energy on it. Not nearly as much as I would have in the past. I kept brushing it away. Turn my back on it. Tell it that it didn’t exist.
But it would sneak back in the doggie door!
And then guess what?
It wasn’t true.
It was a “joke.” Not a funny one, but a joke all the same.
Now just how much energy did I waste on that?
Another lesson learned.
Proud of myself for not going crazy with it like in the past.
And instead of scolding myself I take this as a thankful lesson learned.
Another stride to not talking to myself!
photo by leena at morgueFile